Sunday, August 16

G is for Whaaaa???

Sathyam, Shivam, Sundaram. The minute these three words are uttered or read, we start to get a strange sense of Indian-ness in us which, irrespective of caste, creed, religion or language is bound to unite us together and create an exemplary feeling of joy and titillation that plays back the beautiful and eye-catchy visuals of our nation’s pride, in our memory.
Of course am talking about Zeenat Aman and her skin-clad outfit in the amazing song from the movie of the same name, that made me go “gaga” over her. However that feeling didn’t last for long due to the news that arrived on 11th August: Sundar Pichchai being appointed as CEO of Google.

The minute the news came people started encroaching other people’s (read – my) personal space through the exquisitely crafted medium of Social Network to post witty and smartass remarks one of which was this: Satya Nadella, Shiv Nadar and Sundar Pichai are the Satyam, Shivam, Sundaram of IT. The minute this came on my timeline, it triggered a sense of shock and awe and took me a while to understand the ridiculousness and stupidity of the statement in its entirety - Shiv Nadar??

The inclusion of Shiv Nadar in the above list is a classic example of Social media “celebs” trying do something that looks interesting on the outside but actually riddled with idiocy on the inside. Like a TR song, where a rhyme just exists because it is a rhyme and it remains non-sensical when you consider the rest of the song. But when it comes to TR, the entire song is actually non-sensical which means the rhyme actually makes sense? Am starting to feel my previous statements are not making any sense either which makes me wonder what actually is sense?? Okay let’s not get into Philosophy.

Shiv Nadar gets a mention as it is only he, who currently is a “Shivam” in the I.T industry that atleast a handful of people know. They are also called HCL employees. Shiv Nadar’s position in the list is like that of a Quintessential Middle brother in a family of brothers, sandwiched between 2 people who are better than him and well off. The role of the middle brother is purely existential and frankly somewhat boring. I am not sure if Shiv Nadar is experienced enough to handle this sudden surge of fame, just like the rest of the world that was never prepared for a statement that contains the name of HCL CEO and fame. In order to play this part to perfection, I think he has to observe the works and performances of that one person who was tailormade and type-casted for such roles and ended up making a career out of it. That is none other than the one and only “Idhayam Murali” and may he RIP. The rest of the world must prepare by watching movies like “Anandham” and “Samuththiram”.

The point is not that. The point is what Google did to Sundar Pichai really. Imagine a phone call to Mr. Pichai in the morning

“Hello, is that Mr. Pichai??”

“Speaking”

“Yeah … you’re now the CEO of Google”

“What?? Are you kidding me??”

“No we are not … Congrats … you now are the head of all things Google … Ads, maps, Youtube, Android”

“That’s great … Also Google X lab”

“No no no … not that”

“Google Ventures then ”

“Not that either”

“Life Sciences, Calico, Fiber, Nest??”

“None of that either …”

“What do you mean?? What happened to these divisons of Google??”

“They are owned by Alphabet which also owns Google”

“What?? Who made this decision?? Did Larry and Sergey know this??”

“*Evil laugh of Larry and Sergey*”

“Larry??”

“*Sound of phone hanging up*”

Okay … If you think that I have to put up a disclaimer that the above conversation didn’t really happen and it was just an imagination to bring out humour from a very odd situation, then am sorry. I don’t know what you are doing reading the rest of the blog. Anyway I digress. The point is Sundar only gets a stripped down version of Google whereas Larry and Sergey are now heading Alphabet that has the the extraordinary vision of creating new and innovating ideas, the first of which would be changing the way kids learn about Alphabets in Kindergarten.

I can’t imagine the day when the good old “A for Apple and B for Ball” technique ceases to exist and would probably be replaced by “A for Alphabet and B for .. I don’t know Boston Dynamics or something”. As much as we are angry about this we also must realise that such a critical task of replacing the way we learn alphabets cannot be given to Indians, for we are the people who let the non-sense ads like “G for H” and “G means Energy” happen, neither of which are logically and linguistically correct. If that doesn’t ruin Kids’ education I don’t know what will.