Tuesday, May 3

Secret life of Sunny Leone

“How to win friends and influence people and increase followers on twitter who would randomly agree with you on your seemingly asinine comments about a climacteric social issue but would also simultaneously notch up the likes in your very much self-obsessive narcissistic selfie posts on your FB walls and Instagram stalls (or whatever they call it) thereby creating your own brand of pseudo-intellectual trolls who will be responsible for increasing your popularity index?” is the title of the book am planning to write. From the title, you can guess that this is a self-help book – book that I sell to you at an exorbitant price to help myself.

The idea for this book came to me when I was reading Salman Rushdie’s “2 years 8 months and 28 nights” which, if you are not that good in math, is a needlessly elaborate “Rushdian” way of saying 1001 nights. Just 10 pages in, the profundity of the prose threw me on to the existential crisis wagon – What the hell am I doing? The book, so very aptly titled, is not just a reference to the Arabian Nights but is also a subliminal message conveyed to the readers about the amount of time required to complete the book i.e. if you are planning to skim 80% of the text.

So it should be pretty much obvious that I couldn’t finish the book but the only advantage w.r.t reading the works of Rushdie is that you have the utmost liberty to comment on his work even before reading it. He is the fictional equivalent of Arundathi Roy – a writer whose articles take longer to finish than a Terrence Malick movie. Yes, you read it right, her articles do end. But why these people, “writers”, are lionized as the greatest of our time? Why do they have so much fan following?

This brings me back to the intellectual and thought provoking discussion I had recently, on a corporate social networking platform, about the credibility of Chetan Bhagat – a writer whose name, without impeccable adroitness, cannot be written in the same sentence carrying the words “intellectual” and “thought provoking”. Chetan Bhagat, love him or hate him, is nevertheless a social icon who has done some important contributions to the field that he is popularly associated with – Internet trolling.

The discussion brought on like-minded people who disliked Mr.Bhagat, his work and persona, with a passion and other set of people who admired his popularity and infamy which was indeed triggered by a unanimous hatred towards his work and persona. Some people even went to the extent of asking of “Why should I hate Chetan Bhagat?”. That is like asking “Why should I hate green tea?”. The questions are rhetorical, and you didn’t ask it, but if you still want to know the answer drink two cups of green tea or as we humans call it - hot water that looks like urine.

Then came the point about how good he is at marketing his books and that is his biggest strength which we have to appreciate. It is similar to admiring Salman Khan for his shooting skill and car stunts than his main profession – hosting Big Boss. We do have a dense assemblage of such faux writers whose writing prowess makes us think that banning them would be the utmost contribution that we can do for the “Save paper” campaign.

The above personal rant is due to the fact that I consider writing to be an art form akin to painting, music, movies etc. It should be an intelligent self expression that conveys the deepest of emotions which is true and could strike a chord with any of the readers. So any form of snobbery against a work that insults the art form should be justified. Personally, I cannot compromise the quality of my write-ups and do cheap stuff like using a click-baity title with the name of a controversial celebrity just to increase the readership